DP23

Drawing a line

2008-12-09T08:19:00.004Z

It seems fitting that today, the first anniversary of Sue's home-call, I should draw a line under the blog and close it. It was useful as a means of broadcasting how we were, and testifying to the Lord's faithfulness; and there is a sense in which we could go on doing that at least - because He IS faithful, always has been and always will be. In that sense, it is good to mark the occasion today for that reason, because we have got through the first year with His help.

Today will be a quiet day for us, the four of us at home together; a day of memories, a day of sadness in one way, and yet a day of thankfulness for all the many blessings of the years we enjoyed together. Truly we have much to praise the Lord for.

Indeed, as someone said to me yesterday, is it wrong to think of today - in a way at least - as her first "birthday" in glory? For we believe that she is (as it says on her stone, and as the Apostle Paul told the church at Corinth that he was willing to be) "absent from the body .. present with the Lord" (II Corinthians 5:8).

Now if Christ be preached that He rose from the dead, how say some among you that there is no resurrection of the dead?
But if there be no resurrection of the dead, then is Christ not risen: and if Christ be not risen, then is our preaching vain, and your faith is also vain. Yea, and we are found false witnesses of God; because we have testified of God that He raised up Christ: Whom He raised not up, if so be that the dead rise not.
For if the dead rise not, then is not Christ raised: and if Christ be not raised, your faith is vain; ye are yet in your sins. Then they also which are fallen asleep in Christ are perished. If in this life only we have hope in Christ, we are of all men most miserable.
But now is Christ risen from the dead, and become the firstfruits of them that slept. For since by man came death, by man came also the resurrection of the dead. For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ shall all be made alive. But every man in his own order: Christ the firstfruits; afterward they that are Christ's at his coming.
…
Now this I say, brethren, that flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God; neither doth corruption inherit incorruption.
Behold, I shew you a mystery; we shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed, in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump: for the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed. For this corruptible must put on incorruption, and this mortal must put on immortality. So when this corruptible shall have put on incorruption, and this mortal shall have put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written, Death is swallowed up in victory. O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory? The sting of death is sin; and the strength of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
I Corinthians 15:12-23, 50-57

What a blessing to "have hope in Christ", and the salvation offered by grace through faith in Him alone, and to know that one day we shall see Him (and Sue) again.

Another song

2008-03-19T21:58:00.003Z

I know that many readers would find it strange to find a song made famous by the Carpenters on this blog or any blog. But if the song - and perhaps the well-remembered voice - can be laid aside.... is it not a love-song? And is it totally impermissible to have a love for the Lord that can find expression in such words?

I WON'T LAST A DAY WITHOUT YOU
Paul Williams & Roger Nichols

Day after day I must face a world of strangers
Where I don't belong, I'm not that strong.
It's nice to know that there's someone I can turn to
Who will always care, You're always there.

When there's no getting over that rainbow,
When my smallest of dreams won't come true -
I can take all the madness the world has to give
But I won't last a day without You.

So many times when the city seems to be without a friendly face
A lonely place
It's nice to know that You'll be there if I need You
And You'll always smile, it's all worthwhile.

When there's no getting over that rainbow,
When my smallest of dreams won't come true -
I can take all the madness the world has to give
But I won't last a day without You.

Touch me and I end up singing -
Troubles seem to up and disappear.
You touch me with the love You're bringing
I can't really lose when You're near.

If all my friends have forgotten half their promises
They're not unkind, just hard to find;
One look at You and I know that I could learn to live
Without the rest, I found the best.

When there's no getting over that rainbow,
When my smallest of dreams won't come true -
I can take all the madness the world has to give
But I won't last a day without You.

The sentiments of a well-known hymn by Annie Sherwood Hawks are very similar :-

I need Thee every hour, most gracious Lord;
No tender voice like Thine can peace afford.

Refrain

I need Thee, O I need Thee;
Every hour I need Thee;
O bless me now, my Savior,
I come to Thee.

I need Thee every hour, stay Thou nearby;
Temptations lose their power when Thou art nigh.

Refrain

I need Thee every hour, in joy or pain;
Come quickly and abide, or life is in vain.

Refrain

I need Thee every hour; teach me Thy will;
And Thy rich promises in me fulfill.

Refrain

I need Thee every hour, most Holy One;
O make me Thine indeed, Thou blessèd Son.

Refrain

May the Lord increase our love for Him, and our dependence upon Him.

Bring the rain

2008-03-01T11:48:00.010Z

Although many others have linked to it, readers may like to have a look at the following blog :-

http://lazydranch8.blogspot.com/

Heather Davis lost her husband Eric a short while ago - leaving her with 6 children (four of their own and two adopted). Her faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, in balance with her honest and tearful testimony to the heartache experienced, is a challenge and a blessing.

On her blog she says she has had various songs "in her heart" this week - and one of them is the following. You can listen to it on her blog....

BRING THE RAIN - MERCY ME
I can count a million times
People asking me how I can
Praise You with all that I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You
Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times

(Chorus) So I pray...Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

I am Yours regardless of
The dark clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me what's a little rain
So I pray...chorus

Gratitude to God

2008-02-26T20:38:00.005Z

After all this time, I have no idea if anybody reads this now - but I thought I should post something today, to mark the day. It would have been our 25th wedding anniversary. So out came the album (I knew it was in the loft somewhere!) - and out came the memories .............

I've had three cards, and some friends that I happened to speak to on the phone said they were thinking of me; perhaps others thought, but (not surprisingly) didn't know what to say. Vera and I have shared some memories though, and we have got through the day. I suppose the words on the front of one card sum it up :-

Thinking of you ....
The Lord is my strength and my shield;
My heart trusts in Him, and I am helped.
Psalm 28:7

Is there bitterness? No.
Is there jealousy of those who get to celebrate their silver, or gold, or ruby, or whatever anniversaries? None at all (even though my Dad managed TWO Silvers!)
Is there sadness? Not really.
Is there emptiness and hopelessness? Not at all.

Although not denying the harder times, I am just thankful for the happy times, the many blessings we were privileged to enjoy together. We had nearly 25 years of health and happiness, far more comfort and privilege than many have, many good friends, several lovely holidays (mostly in Cornwall!) - and of course two lovely daughters. When you think of all the marriages that fall apart so easily today (with all the consequent damage to children), when you think of all the marriages that are just empty shells "for public view only" (but all pain and heartache on the locked-in-inside), when you think of all those who are married but cannot have children, when you think of all those who would love to be married - but aren't...... I have so much to be thankful for.

We laughed a lot, we cried a bit. We enjoyed one another's company. We knew each other well enough to communicate with eye-contact, a lifted eyebrow, a blown kiss - and the comfort of simply walking hand in hand. And of course we worshipped the Lord together, we sang His praise together, and we listened to sermons together. Some of the best times we had over the last few months were listening to sermons at home, mostly on CD from our very good friend in the States - and sharing the blessings and comforts that true soul-food provides.

Am I sad? Only when I write something like this.
Am I fearful of the future? No.
Am I lonely? Sometimes - but I know that the Lord will never leave me nor forsake me. He will always be with me, until one day He calls me to be with Him.

As I said to so many after Sue's funeral - she is but gone ahead a little way. It is not an ending, but a parting; and the time between our anticipated reunion before the Lord, and now, is minimal compared to eternity. And then shall we be forever with the Lord, saved by His grace.

How good is the God we adore,
Our faithful unchangeable Friend!
His love is as great as His power,
And knows neither measure nor end.

'Tis Jesus, the First and the Last,
Whose Spirit shall guide us safe home;
We'll praise Him for all that is past,
And trust Him for all that's to come.
(Joseph Hart 1712-1768)

Your goodness will be with me

2008-01-01T19:26:00.000Z

Not sure if I am allowed to do this, but I can't hope to say it better!

Tim Challies (http://www.challies.com/) had this on his blog for today ....

01/01/08 Your Goodness Will Be with Me

I love the dawning of a new year. I tend to view life in “chunks,” in periods with a defined beginning and end. When driving home from Tennessee yesterday I inadvertently grouped the drive into pieces in my mind and felt relief and success with the completion of each portion—from Tennessee to Cincinnati, from Cincy to Detroit, and from Detroit to home. I do the same with periods of time, enjoying the beginning of one period and looking forward to reaching the end of it. A new year is an obvious period to focus on examining success in reaching goals and in looking towards new goals. I do not usually bother with new year’s resolutions. But I do see January 1 as a good day to focus on what I’d like to accomplish and what I’d like to prioritize in the weeks and months to come.

I went looking today for some guidance on how to approach a new year. I found myself reading a grand old Puritan prayer and wanted to share it with you. Taken from The Valley of Vision, this prayer is known as “Year’s End.” I adapted it slightly to change antiquated language to slightly more modern language. But this is as I would pray it today…and as I have prayed it today.

O Love Beyond Compare,
You are good when you give,
when you take away,
when the sun shines upon me,
when night gathers over me.
You have loved me before the foundation of the world,
and in love redeemed my soul;
You love me still,
in spite of my hard heart, ingratitude, distrust.
Your goodness has been with me during another year,
leading me through a twisting wilderness,
in retreat helping me to advance,
when beaten back making sure headway.
Your goodness will be with me in the year ahead;
I hoist sail and draw up anchor,
With you as the blessed Pilot of my future as of my past.
I bless you that you have veiled my eyes to the waters ahead.
If you have appointed storms of tribulation,
you will be with me in them;
If I have to pass through storms of persecution and temptation,
I shall not drown;
If I am to die,
I shall see your face the sooner;
If a painful end is to be my lot,
grant me grace that my faith will not fail;
If I am to be cast aside from the service I love,
I can make no stipulation;
Only glorify yourself in me whether in comfort or trial,
as a chosen vessel suitable always
for your use.

What a beautiful prayer that is, that God would use us to further His purposes. Another prayer from the same book begins by saying “Length of days does not profit me unless the days are passed in your presence, in your service, to your glory.”

I received an email this morning and this was a suggested New Year’s text. I can hardly think of a better one for meditation on this day. It is Proverbs 30 and verses 8 and 9.

"Remove far from me falsehood and lying;
give me neither poverty nor riches;
feed me with the food that is needful for me,
lest I be full and deny you
and say, “Who is the Lord?”
or lest I be poor and steal
and profane the name of my God".

Oh that God would simply sustain us through another year, giving what we need rather than what we want, and giving only that which we can handle and that which we can use for His glory. May 2008 be that kind of year for you and for your family, and for me and mine.

The LORD is good....

2007-12-31T19:46:00.000Z

Or, to quote in full...
The LORD is good, a strong hold in the day of trouble; and he knoweth them that trust in him (Nahum 1:7)

A friend recently suggested that I should print out all the blog entries (and comments) made over the past year or so, for the benefit of friends and relations that do not have computers. Doing so, and looking back over the year, it has been a blessing to be reminded of all the goodness and mercy of the Lord. We have been blessed with the support of many praying friends; we have known what it is to be upheld through our season of trial; and the Lord has kept us at peace, and provided our rock-like firm foundation despite all the heartache.

The funeral went well, with an amazing number of relations friends and colleagues attending - somewhere between 170 and 180, with all seats taken and many standing. Although many could only come to the service, it was good to be able to renew fellowship with those who were able to stay for the refreshments and who were still there when the family returned from the burial.

Of course there have been ups and downs since Sue was called home, just over three weeks ago. During that period it has been lovely to have both girls home; we have had laughter and cuddles as well as tears and cuddles. But that time now draws to a close, as Hannah returns to Manchester tomorrow and Jess to Swansea at the week-end. The partings will be difficult.

But tomorrow brings a new day of grace, and a New Year of grace. It was no accident that, at the service we went to last night, one of the verses mentioned was one mentioned at our wedding reception nearly 25 years ago :
Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths (Proverbs 3:5/6)

We have no idea what the future holds, a day ahead or a year ahead - but He knows, and He has planned it all. It is a blessing, not a problem, to be able to rejoice in the sovereignty of God! As a result, our role is to walk with Him into each new day that He gives us, knowing that He will lead and guide us and strengthen us as He sees our needs:

I know who holds the future
And I know He holds my hand;
With God things don’t just happen
Everything by Him is planned.
So as I face tomorrow with its
problems large and small
I’ll trust the God of miracles,
Give to him my all.

Answered prayer

2007-12-14T22:00:00.000Z

Isa 65:24 And it shall come to pass, that before they call, I will answer; and while they are yet speaking, I will hear.
Eph 3:20 Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think.....
Psa 136:1 O give thanks unto the LORD; for he is good: for his mercy endureth for ever.

One of the issues I mentioned in the last post was parking.
One apparently unrelated fact is that my sister works at Cheltenham College Junior School; another is the fact that the school has broken up for the Christmas holidays; and a third is that the school is very close to the chapel.

When my sister called round yesterday with some cards, we were talking about the parking problem; and she said that, on the way home, she would call in at the school and, if he was still there, ask the Headmaster if perhaps one or two of the family could park at the school to relieve the pressure on parking as well as providing comfort to those who would worry about finding a space again on returning from the cemetery.

His reply? something along the lines of "well, the school is closed, nobody much will need the spaces - have as much space as you like, I'll warn the Estates department, glad to help......"

Our God is SO GOOD!

For those unfamiliar with the area, try

http://maps.google.co.uk/

Type in ‘Naunton Parade, Cheltenham’ and when the map is displayed, click on the ‘Satellite’ button. This superimposes the satellite image on the street map and you get the street names displayed as well.

For what I hope may be a clearer picture, I show below a Google earth picture, which looks small but you should find that, if you click on it, it enlarges.

1. Naunton Parade (where the chapel is) is shown towards the bottom left corner.
2. The road that goes up from the bottom left corner to just left of top centre is Bath Road
3. The road that goes from top centre down to right centre is Thirlestaine Road.
4. The pale building on the right-hand side of Thirlestaine Road, set back a bit at a right angle to the road with several cars (including a red one) parked outside, and with a large grass area behind it (to the right in the picture) is the Junior School. The entrance to the school from the road is clearly marked; drive in and park.
5. Continuing away from Thirlestaine Road, the area in the picture that looks grassed in front of and to the side of the main building that you approach from the road is now all tarmac.
6. The large white roof (?sports hall) has additional parking beside it (to the left of it as you look at the picture, but to the right as you walk towards it!) - but this may be bollarded off.
7. Having parked in front of the main building, bear right to walk down the side of the new hall, where not far beyond it you will see a chain-link fence.
8. The road behind the fence is Kew Place, which will lead you (straight) back to the Bath Road, and then turn left along the road before turning left into Naunton Parade to get to the chapel.

Although not required by the school, a note with the following data displayed on the dashboard of any cars parked there might be an idea; unfortunately blogger won't let me type it up bigger in a pretty box!

Attending funeral at Providence Chapel
Naunton Parade
Tuesday 18th December 12 noon

Parking by kind permission of
Mr Archdale

And finally - thanks to all who have sent cards and emails. I will get my "thankyou letters" done after Christmas!

Practical issues.......

2007-12-12T18:08:00.000Z

We have now been able to finalise the funeral arrangements :-

Providence Baptist Chapel (Naunton Parade, Leckhampton, Cheltenham)
12 noon
Tuesday 18th December 2007

Followed by "family only" burial at Cheltenham cemetery at 1:15pm, while the friends at Providence provide light refreshments for a time of fellowship for those who wish to stay.

No flowers, but donations (either at the chapel, or via Mason & Stokes) to Macmillan Cancer Support.

TO THOSE WHO MAY BE THINKING OF COMING, PLEASE NOTE.......
(1) Seating
We are expecting a large number, and while the chapel can seat about 120 it is possible that late arrivals may have to stand. Our apologies.
(2) Parking
The chapel car park is quite small, and should really only be used by those who are unable to walk very far. There is a public car park on the other side of the Bath Road (access between NatWest Bank and the card shop)
BUT....
I had assumed that this car park would provide sufficient space for all wishing to attend the funeral. I have however just been advised that, although large, this car park is very busy, and spaces will be at a premium. This is of course made worse by the fact that family members wishing to come to the burial will have to lose their space and hope to find another if they come back to the chapel for refreshments. The only alternatives are either local residential streets, or the town centre car parks. PLEASE ALLOW PLENTY OF TIME TO FIND A SPACE AND THEN FIND A SEAT AS NEITHER CAN UNFORTUNATELY BE GUARANTEED.

I would like to thank the many readers who have made blog comments and/or sent cards or emails of support; they are all much appreciated. Suffice to say that when people ask how I am, I just say "Philippians 4:7!" Sadly only a few know immediately what I am talking about, so I tell them to go and look it up! But it is true, and it is a privilege to be able to testify to the grace and mercy and goodness of the Lord at this time. Prayer is being answered.

Of course there are waves of tears, and the loss gives rise to other tensions that would otherwise blow over. We all deal with things in different ways; in part a matter of temperament, and in part having friends or relations available to talk things through with. But my mother-in-law Vera (84), who lives with us, will find it hardest of all; she has been with Sue all day over the past year (when the girls have been away at work/Uni, and I have been at work), and they have been "there for each other" through it all. So come January, when the girls have gone, and I am back at work, Vera will find it hard - so please pray for her in particular.

And of course, please pray for Tuesday, when we believe many unsaved relatives friends and colleagues will be at the service. May Sue's Saviour and Redeemer, the Lord Jesus Christ, be glorified in the atmosphere of praise and thanksgiving that only a Christian funeral service can have.

"We sorrow not as those that have no hope"

Ending time and beginning eternity

2007-12-10T09:53:00.000Z

Sue Price
02.05.1956 - 09.12.2007

After the nurses came yesterday, Sue seemed ok (or at least unchanged) for a couple of hours. During the afternoon, however, her breathing changed noticeably - and then at 5:15pm, with just the four of us (Vera, Hannah, Jess, and I) round the bed - she was called home to be "for ever with the Lord".

But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so them also which sleep in Jesus will God bring with him. For this we say unto you by the word of the Lord, that we which are alive and remain unto the coming of the Lord shall not prevent them which are asleep. For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first: Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord. Wherefore comfort one another with these words. (I Thessalonians 4:13 - 18)

Still watching and waiting

2007-12-09T14:16:00.000Z

Sue hardly stirs at all now, apart from when the nurses give her a wash (when she did open her eyes), and her breathing is quite shallow. But the Lord can keep her in peace, because she has made her peace with Him - at the cross of Calvary.

The day will come, the day of death,
The day planned long ago;
When, earthly ties released, the soul
To Heaven or Hell must go.

For some it comes quite suddenly,
No warning at life's end;
For others – weakness, tears, and pain
Their final months attend.

But none can say "I will not go,
I do not wish to die,
I've things to do, a life to live" –
We cannot God deny.

For each of us must give account
Of all we've said and done;
And how we've treated Jesus Christ
The Saviour, God's own Son.

He saves from sin and death and Hell –
He saves, and He alone;
No works of ours, howe'er sincere,
Can for our sin atone.

Prepare to die, then, while there's time –
You do not know the date;
Trust in the Saviour, cry for grace
Before it be too late.

Still here

2007-12-08T17:59:00.000Z

Thought it might help those dear friends in so many places who have being praying for us to know that Sue is still here - but asleep/unconscious all the time now. We are however conscious of a God-given peace prevailing in the household - a very great blessing from the hands of our gracious loving heavenly Father.

The nurses have been coming all this week to wash Sue, and top-up the medication, and they always leave her looking clean and comfortable. But one of the family visitors today (and we have been limiting it to "family only" since Monday) said that she thought Sue's breathing was a little more laboured. We also need to bear in mind that it is now a week since she has eaten; and several days since she has been awake sufficiently to be able to swallow. So we await a home-call - thankful for shared faith in a Saviour who said

"Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also". (John 14:1-3)

Do you ever think of Heaven?
Do you long to enter in
To the Father's presence glorious ,
To the place where there's no sin ?
Glorious courts where Jesus reigns now,
Seated at His Father's side;
Wondrous mansions where His people
Shall for evermore abide .

Do you ever think of Heaven?
Place of beauty, place of peace,
Where the praises of the Saviour
Shall for evermore increase.
For the Lamb is all the glory
Of those courts of Heaven above;
Jesus, Saviour and Redeemer -
Jesus, precious King of Love .

For the glory of that Heaven
Is that we shall see His Face -
Without shadow, without sorrow,
We shall know His close embrace.
Undeserving guilty sinners,
Saved by grace and sovereign might -
O we long for that great day when
Feeble faith gives way to sight!

Brief update

2007-12-07T13:17:00.000Z

It has been a long week, but the Lord has been faithful and we have known a remarkable sense of heaven-granted peace in, and among, the family. I am so grateful to God that Dr Morison thought to suggest that the girls came back early, as I don't think Vera and I could have managed on our own. As it is, we have so far declined the offered external night-care and managed the night-shifts between us.

Since the last post earlier this week, Sue has been asleep/unconscious most of the time. There have been a couple of "events" (an incorrectly-fitted syringe pump, which meant no medication for 12 hours,and quite a disturbed night... and a kinked-therefore-blocked catheter tube....) but all has calmed down again now. The nurses have been in every day to give Sue a wash, and Dr Morison called again today to see how we were.

He thinks it will be hours rather than days now - and then, although he would never express it in those terms, and it is not up to him, Sue will be called home to glory, "to be forever with the Lord".

Not too good now

2007-12-04T13:26:00.000Z

A brief update to let you all know of the deterioration that has taken place in the last few days.

Following the stay in hospital on Wednesday/Thursday, Sue seemed OK for most of Friday and Saturday while in bed asleep. On Sunday a friend came, and she managed an initial greeting but then relapsed into sleep. It became however increasingly difficult for her to take her many tablets; and movement also seemed more painful - particularly the stairs up to bed. Walking from the bedroom to the bathroom had become a very slow shuffle.

On Monday morning, I therefore got one of a pair of spare bunk beds down from the garage ready for her to get into when she came downstairs - thereby signalling to me at least that she would be unlikely to go back upstairs again. We already had a commode downstairs.

Matters really snowballed from there. First one of the district nurses came to give Sue a wash; but as she could see that Sue seemed comfortably asleep, and she could not manage to wash while asleep on her own, she went away again. Then two more came later, on a support visit; they had a look, had a chat, and then went back to the clinic to report to the GP. He then came to see for himself (as well wanting to see how Vera and I were managing); and then he went and sent the two nurses back down again.

As a result:-
* they have taken Sue off all her tablets, and replaced them with a cocktail of various medications in a pump-driven syringe that they will come and top-up every day
* they have replaced our old bunk bed with a brand-new hospital bed that lifts and tilts etc
* two nurses came in today to give Sue a wash in her sleep
* they have offered a "night-sitting facility" if we would like it

In addition, the GP asked when Hannah and Jess were due home; and when I said not for another couple of weeks, he suggested that it might best to get them home earlier - not even waiting until next weekend. As a result, they both arrived yesterday - so we face the next few days together.

Looking to the Lord for promised daily strength.....

Best laid plans....

2007-11-28T15:36:00.001Z

Pleased to say that the transfusion yesterday went well. It was nearly 9 hours as expected (starting just after 9am, allowed home at nearly 6pm); and she seemed a bit brighter in the evening and this morning.

The scan today however wasn't a scan at all! In fact it was an ultrasound-guided drainpipe insertion. We were told that the procedure itself wouldn't last long, and it didn't; but in our innocence (prior to the event) we thought that "that would be it" - but it wasn't! The draining process did not start until she was back on the scanning ward; and suffice to say that six litres had been drained off in the hour or so before the nurses from the onology ward came to collect her.

The whole thing will therefore take rather longer than we thought, as she will now be staying overnight - to be allowed out at some point tomorrow, when they are satisfied that every drainable drop has come out. Not sure if they will keep a tally, or if we will be allowed to know, but it would be interesting!

As a result, the planned visit to the Sue Ryder and the planned visit from the Macmillan nurse (both scheduled for tomorrow afternoon) have been cancelled, to be rearranged at some point.

Life has its twists and turns doesn't it? It's a relief to know that nothing happens by chance though - for OUR GOD REIGNS! Everything, every event, every puzzling change, is all under His comlete and loving control. As a dear brother recently emailed me (quoting from a hymn by Ira Stanphill):-

I don't know about tomorrow,
I just live from day to day.
I don't borrow from its sunshine,
For its skies may turn to gray.
I don't worry o'er the future,
For I know what Jesus said,
And today I'll walk beside Him,
For He knows what is ahead.

Many things about tomorrow,
I don't seem to understand;
But I know Who holds tomorrow,
And I know Who holds my hand.

Gathering momentum

2007-11-26T21:07:00.001Z

Matters are certainly developing - indeed changing from day to day at the moment!

This week was always going to be busy. Initially the plan was just the Macmillan nurse on Tuesday(tomorrow), and the rearranged scan on Wednesday. However, the Macmillan nurse had been in contact with various people following her last visit (see previous post), because the clinical psychologist came to see Sue last Friday afternoon, after the district nurses from the local doctors surgery who came Friday morning. They must have gone back and had a word with our GP, because then we had a call to say he would be coming to see Sue for himself this morning.

So he came late morning, and we had a useful chat about how Sue is and what to do about adjusting the pain-killers a bit. He also wanted to know about daily life; so we said that the pain is more or less under control, but that she has little appetite and is weak and unsteady on her feet. Bathing and dressing have needed help for a while (not that she actually gets dressed very often); but going up and down stairs needs support, and taking tablets needs help too (all too easy for unsteady hands to drop them!). He could see that she is weaker than when he last came.

Before leaving he said that he would arrange another blood transfusion, hopefully on Wednesday when she will be in hospital anyway. That however proved impossible, so she will be going in tomorrow instead for what will probably be a long day - a 3-unit transfusion could be 6-9 hours. Then back on Wednesday for the scan, drain, and recuperate; how long that will take we have no idea. I will drop her at the hospital tomorrow, but stay all day (if allowed) on Wednesday.

The other call we had last Friday afternoon was from one of the nurses at the Sue Ryder, asking if we could go up there for an hour to have a look round and meet people - nursing staff as well as the occupational therapist. So, if Sue is fit enough after two days at the hospital, we will go there for an hour on Thursday. Sue does not particularly want to ("It's where people go to die"); but hopefully it will be a useful and unpressured visit. Then the Macmillan nurse (who was going to come tomorrow) wants to come later on Thursday afternoon after we get back, with more questions and forms!

In some ways I can understand Sue's feeling of being a bit overwhelmed and losing control. However, it is a blessing that the support systems are there and accessible, so we have much to thank the Lord for.

More wobbles

2007-11-20T19:45:00.000Z

In part Sue - in part the NHS!

I mentioned in the last post that Sue would in due course be going for a scan,to see about fluid retention. That duly took place on Friday 9th; but I won't go into the hassle of getting to the ultrasound department, other than to say "building work = 4x as far from entrance to department" - and not a porter or chair to be seen! we got there and back eventually.......

However, the NHS "wobble" we only found out about this week, when - in the absence of any progress since the day of the scan - I rang the hospital to see what should be happening. It seems there was some confusion; normally the draining is done the same day as the scan. Sadly we never got part of the message! As a result, we will need to go back next Wednesday (28th) to have another scan, followed immediately (probably still in the ultrasound department) by the draining session - and then along to the ward for a rest for a while.

We did however have a very useful meeting with the Macmillan nurse last week. This is a different one to the lady who was so helpful to us a year ago (she has left). The new lady did come and see Sue back in the summer, when of course Sue was quite well; and at that stage they agreed we would call her when required. Matters being as they are now, she agreed that she would call every two weeks or so from now on, just to see how Sue is - and she also said she would arrange for the district nurses to call every week or so as well, to keep an eye on things.

In addition, she said she would arrange for the Macmillan clinical psychologist to call (not sure about that one!); and also (probably more helpful) someone from the Occupational Health department. They should be able to assess Sue in the home environment, and provide help with supports/bars etc for getting in and out of the bath (Sue has not been able to manage that unaided for quite a long time now), hopefully a wheelchair (handy for trips to the hospital) and possibly other things too. None of that has happened yet, but when she calls again next week no doubt we will get an update. Her aim (for which we are grateful) is to put in place a bit more of a support network than we have had (or have perhaps needed) up to now.

The other thing she suggested - which was suggested a year ago, bur resisted at that stage - was a visit (or, better, a series of visits) to the local Sue Ryder home. This would enable Sue to see the place, meet the staff, and also enjoy some of the facilities offered even to day-care visitors. Last year Sue didn't like the idea; it is after all a hospice and "people go there to die"; but there is much more on offer there, so we hope that Sue will be amenable when the first contact is made.

Meanwhile Sue is still very weak and wobbly, with very little appetite; she sleeps most of the day, and seems increasingly muddled in her mind. She confuses words, she loses track of which day it is, her body clock sometimes goes wrong (so she sleeps all day, then wants to get up and go downstairs very hour or so in the night) - and she has hallucinations from time to time too. Please pray for Vera (her mother) who bears the burden all day throughout the week while I am at work.

But Sue is still here, still able to talk and smile - and next weekend we have both daughters coming home for the weekend, so they will cheer her up! And in it all, the Lord continues in His faithfulness to provide all our needs, and show us His grace and mercy. What a privilege to be at peace, knowing that He loves us and is in control. We may have our wobbles; but He remains the Rock of our salvation - "Jesus Christ, the same yesterday, today and forever" (Hebrews 13:8)

Stumbles and scans

2007-11-10T17:12:00.000Z

Sorry for the delay since the last post, but I wanted to see what this week would bring.

First, I should explain the "stumble" part of the title……

Sue is quite weak and wobbly at the best of times at present. Last Saturday, she decided she wanted to get up, at about 6am; not a problem, as Vera and I were both up. So she started slowly down the stairs, while I collected her bits and pieces to take down – and then suddenly she is sprawled in a heap at the bottom! Looking back, we think she just came down the stairs with a bit too much momentum, and missed the last couple. However, in the mercy of God :-
• Vera wasn't waiting at the bottom of the stairs (or she would have got flattened)
• Vera's bedroom door was open, so Sue didn't crash into it
• No broken bones
• No blood
• Sue was not wearing her glasses – so there was no damage to them, and no glass fragments to worry about
• In fact she just had carpet burns to both knees, and two on her face (on the bony bits just above and below her right eye)
Of course she was in a bit of shock – as was Vera – but they calmed down after a while, and Sue was stiff for a few days. It's the facial injuries which look the worst; initially they were just pink, but then they started to scab over. They are healing nicely now though!

Then on Tuesday we had an appointment at the hospital, and saw the consultant. He thought Sue might have lost weight, which would not surprise me as she hardly eats anything (but we have not weighed her to see). However, he also thought she might have more of a fluid retention problem than before (it's something they have wondered about, but done nothing about) – and that might (apparently) have an effect on her appetite. So he said he would arrange an ultra-sound scan; and he also recommended we saw the local Macmillan Nurse again, as she might have a few ideas about various aspects of daily life.

The nurse will be coming next week; but Sue duly had her scan yesterday, and we gather (unofficially) that an outpatients appointment to drain some fluid off is quite likely next week. We'll have to see if that helps when it happens.

Meanwhile she continues to be weak, tired, and in periodic pain – not every day, but most days, and usually late afternoon/ early evening. She is often confused too, getting days and times muddled; but not quite as depressed and tearful the last few days as she was earlier in the week.

But she is still here! I say that because it was just over a year ago that she first went into hospital. She went in on November 4th; she had various tests and scans on the 5th; a liver biopsy on the 9th; and the cancer diagnosis on the 16th.

It is therefore good to look back and see how the Lord has been good to us, and made the past year a time of blessing and spiritual development. All our needs have been met; an extraordinary number of people have been led to pray for us; we have both been encouraged in our walk with the Lord; we have learned to "trust Him where we cannot trace Him"; and we have found the God of all comfort and grace to be faithful and full of love. Whatever happens in the next year is all part of His plan for us; and "He does all things well". For, as Paul wrote to the church at Rome

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter. Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Rom 8:35 - 39

On the passing of a dear sister in Christ

2007-10-31T13:09:00.000Z

A dear sister in Christ died yesterday after many a long month of frailty. In her 90's, she - and her dear companion - had been part of my church family for around 30 years. Now, after many years of being a faithful pilgrim, she is with the Saviour she loved.

This world is not our home,
We're only passing through.
We have the joys and toils and cares
Just as the godless do.

We see the varying hues
Of Autumn, Winter, Spring;
But we detect in all these things
The hand of our great King.

But one day soon we'll leave
These passing things behind;
For He will call us, and we shall
Eternal glories find.

For if we're come to faith
Been saved by precious grace,
The glories of His heavenly home
Are outshone by His face.

O dear Lord Jesus Christ,
Our Master and our King,
Thy love is great and glorious,
Of Thee we love to sing.

O make us pilgrims, Lord,
Detached from all we see,
Not loving what we cannot keep,
Longing to be with Thee.

A bit brighter....

2007-10-25T13:59:00.000+01:00

After a fairly traumatic weekend, we went to the hospital on Tuesday – and waited…..

The clinic was running about 3 hours late, so including time waiting to be called, waiting for the doctor after being called, time with him, then going to the pharmacy and waiting there – it was a long day. I think we got to the hospital about 10:30 am, and it was nearly 3pm when we left. Still, it is a blessing to have the facilities quite close; as I have said before, there is no complaining in the waiting room, everybody knows they will have a long wait – and many have much further to travel than we do.

We didn’t see either the consultant nor one of the registrars, but a junior doctor (whom we have seen before). He asked lots of questions about various symptoms, felt her stomach and listened to her lungs, and then adjusted the medication by increasing the pain killers, extending the steroid course, and also giving Sue some mouthwash to help with her mouth and throat which (possibly as a result of the steroids) are (in his words) "Ooh, that IS sore!".

Sine then Sue has been a little brighter – even a smile when I got home last night, whereas last week I was more likely to be greeted with tears. She seems not quite so downcast, and her appetite is a little better. Suffice to say that for the last two mornings she has called me out of the study to ask for breakfast quite early - 5:30 yesterday and 5:45 today!

It is a real blessing to be able to spend time together reading His word, listening to sermons from a good friend in America, and in prayer. Truly the Lord continues to be gracious to us as a family, in supporting us, granting us His peace, and enabling us to trust Him who loves us so incredibly.As the Apostle says "Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ: by Whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God."It is indeed all of grace!

PS She has not been so good today - in fact not with it at all, and mostly asleep. However, that is probably due to the fact that while I was out doing the shopping early this morning, she thought she would "help" by getting her tablets out. They are in one of those compartment boxes, one "pot" for the morning and the other "pot" for the evening. When I got home she confessed to "having got in a muddle"; and I found that she had taken both lots (including a sleeping tablet) together........!

For those who prayed....

2007-10-22T06:57:00.000+01:00

Thank you for praying - but I did not make it to chapel last night.

I was very reluctant to let them down at such short notice, but Sue's cousin (who runs the chapel) was very understanding. Sue was in a great deal of pain, and I could not leave her.She had been in similar pain on Saturday evening, to the extent that we called the district nurses out; although very nice they couldn't do anything to help.They then asked the on-call doctor to phone us, but she only asked a few questions and then said "see how you are in the morning". So last night we just managed on extra morphine, and eventually she went off to sleep.

Please remember her in prayer - body, mind, and soul.

Pills and pains

2007-10-20T11:07:00.000+01:00

A quick update on what has happened over the last couple of weeks.....

When we saw the consultant, he proposed that Sue should have a course of steroids for a couple of weeks, and a blood transfusion, in the hope that the combination would give her a lift.

After a cross-match blood-test on Thursday, she duly had the transfusion yesterday. As it started about 10am, I was expecting it to finish around 4pm (two units can take anywhere from 4 to 8 hours); but in the end she finished about 3pm. An extra blessing was that Jess came home from Uni for the weekend unexpectedly - so she was able to go and collect Sue as a nice surprise.

The steroids have however had some sad side-effects. We found later that they lower your resistance to viruses etc - explaining why Sue has has had ear-ache and a sore throat, so that she can hardly talk. They also exacerbate depression - explaining why Sue was on and off in tears for most of last week. However, the higher dosage period (4 per day) gave way to a lower dosage (2 per day) last week; and she has been slightly brighter since. She does however still have pain in her stomach to some extent, is still tired, still quite weak - and is now suffering from backache....

In addition, it was helpful to see the GP (local doctor for USA readers!), who called in on Monday as Sue wanted some reassurance. He was lovely, while at the same time realistic; he reminded us that we had always been told that the cancer would not go away, but he also said he thought Sue had done remarkably well to be as well as she is. Little does he know how many people have been praying! THANKYOU ONE AND ALL!

The next stage will be to see the consultant again on Tuesday 23rd, and we will see what he suggests about the way forward. Update on that to follow!

Meanwhile - for those interested in such things - I would value prayer for tomorrow, as God willing I will be preaching at a small Baptist church in a small local village in the evening. It's the one where Sue and Vera worshipped for many years, and even now most of those who worship there are related to us. If we can all go that would be good (even Vera's brother, who used to run it, would like a lift too); but we will have to see if Sue is up to it. Days are long and evenings are difficult sometimes. We look to the Lord, who gives daily grace and mercy.

Slower than we thought

2007-10-09T14:13:00.000+01:00

That's the progress of the cancer, not the good old NHS! True, we did have to wait quite a while; but that's because there are so many very ill people to be seen. The Oncology clinics are are always busy, lasting many hours, and it is a tribute to the dedication of the doctors and staff that they keep going as they do.

We went and saw the consultant this morning (well, afternoon actually!). He told us that the CT scan results (the ones Sue has been having every three months) showed no measurable deterioration, which was good. In addition, the ultrasound scan she had last week showed that there were no blockages (another matter they were concerned about); so that was good too. HOWEVER, the liver results (not quite sure how or when that was measured) show that there is still something not right - but to what extent they have not been able to measure as yet. The cancer is therefore still "on the move", but slowly.

He therefore proposed a course of steroids from today (I have to go back to the hospital later to collect them), and a blood transfusion next week; then go back and see him in a couple of weeks, hopefully feeling much better, for further thoughts on the way forward.

As Sue said (quoting Joseph Hart, the hymnwriter) "How good is the God we adore, our faithful unchangeable friend....we'll praise Him for all that is past, and trust Him for all that's to come"

Home again but....

2007-10-05T21:28:00.000+01:00

This is a quick post to bring everybody up to date.

As I said yesterday, the doctors were concerned by the combination of pain, tiredness, and possible jaundice.

The ultrasound scan today showed that the cancer has returned to the liver.

Sue has therefore been allowed home for the weekend, the intention being that early next week we will get an appointment with the consultant that we usually see, so that the situation can be reviewed and the plan for the future can be explained.

Not unexpected - eleven months to the day that she was first admitted - but nonetheless a test of faith. It was wonderful that, just as we were leaving the ward, a dear friend who is a former Pastor and also on the chaplaincy team at the hospital, came in. He had only come to see Sue, so instead he came home with us and had a cup of tea and a time of prayer. In such times, prayer - confident, trusting prayer addressed to a loving Heavenly Father - is a great comfort.

The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever. (Psalm 23)

Trusting

2007-10-04T21:40:00.000+01:00

We went as planned to the hospital this afternoon, for the official comment on the results of the scan taken two weeks ago.

The impression given was that the results were not particularly better or worse than the picture shown by the last one (taken mid-June); so that was encouraging. However, during the conversation about the frequency and degree of pain that Sue has, the doctor (the registrar not the consultant) commented that she thought Sue looked a little jaundiced. Jaundice being of course liver-related, and the cancer being in the liver area, the doctor thought it best for Sue to be admitted.

So, having got to the hospital about 4pm for the outpatients appointment, by 6pm I was on my way home to pack a suitcase - trying to think back to the early part of the year when that was a frequent happening, and what I needed to put in!

After I got back to the hospital, another doctor came to see Sue, asked loads more questions, and also listened (stethoscope)/poked/prodded/felt etc. She then said that the stomach pain was one thing, the jaundice was another - and there might also be a build up of fluid around her stomach too. They have therefore requested an ultrasound scan; and when they have the results of that, they will be in a better position to decide what to do next. However, she could not be certain that the scan would be done tomorrow - so it looks like a weekend (at least) in hospital.

Sue was of course upset initially, partly because of having to stay in hospital again without warning, and also partly of what may lie ahead in terms of treatment. She did however calm down before I left her for the evening; and at least she has a nice room to herself at the moment (we hope she won't get moved later).

So - a strange providence allowed (better, planned) by our Heavenly Father, Who knows best and Who has Sue's circumstances in His care. He is after all "the One in Whose hand her breath is, and Whose are all her ways". We trust Him, because He loves us - and we leave the coming days in His wise and loving hands, knowing that He will give us the strength we need as we need it, and that He will never leave us nor forsake us.

What a Saviour we have!

It's all gone quiet again....

2007-09-26T13:17:00.000+01:00

I know, I know - the title of the last post was just asking for trouble, wasn't it....

I guess that's the trouble with blogging; what do you say when there is nothing to say? Not that there is nothing that could be said; but when there is not much to report in terms of developments.

Sue duly went for her scan last week. She had to be there at 9am, to drink some liquid over the course of an hour; she was called about 9:50, and got back to me about half an hour later. We had to wait for five/ten minutes before the nurse came to take the blood-test thing (a cannular, I believe) out of her arm - but then we were free to make our way to a local church for the funeral of a dear friend who died of cancer just a few days ago.

I had known him for around 30 years; he was a dear brother, whom my friend Jonathan called "A "Mr Valiant-for-Truth" in modern day Cheltenham". A godly and gracious man, with a special sense of humour, he had a love for the various small local assemblies, and in former years was often out preaching the gospel and seeking to encourage the friends who meet together in these small fellowships around the Cotswolds. He was also a great encouragement to me over the years, and we enjoyed many sweet times of fellowship at church or in homes or (his great love) out walking in the hills.

The service itself was good - not much about Eric, more about what it means to be a Christian, and about Christian hope and comfort. Eric had of course wanted (and planned it) that way. The service sheet called it "A service of worship and thanksgiving"; and it was.

As regards the future, Sue and I have often thought that one of the signs of getting old is that you have an increasing number of friends who have "gone on before to glory". In the words of William Williams

"I have a yearning for that land,
Where the un-numbered throng
Extol the Lamb of Calvary
In Heaven's unending song"

Or as Stuart Townend puts it

"I long to be where the praise is never-ending,
Yearn to dwell where the glory never fades;
Where countless worshippers will share one song,
And cries of "Worthy!" will honour the Lamb"

Or the Apostle Paul who "had a desire to depart, and to be with Christ, which is far better..."

Certainly we have a good number now who await us rejoicing in the immediate presence of the Lord (Ps 16:11). Yet how sad it is that we do not live in the light of the prospect - better, the certainty! - that awaits us. We ought to be pressing on far more than we do, "looking for and hasting unto the day of God", and living each day in the light of THAT day. And yet that longing should be focused, not on the prospect of joining those we love, nor starting to enjoy what they now do - but to be with the One Who has loved us from before the foundation of the world. To quote Stuart Townend again

"Then one day I'll see Him as He sees me,
Face to face, the Lover and the loved;
No more words, the longing will be over,
There with my precious Jesus"

A prompt update for a change....

2007-08-23T19:12:00.000+01:00

If you have ever been to Cheltenham hospital, you will know that the parking situation is terrible. So we were grateful to the Lord when, just as we drove in to the carpark by the Oncology clinic, a lady was just reversing out of the space nearest the door!

After the normal wait, we were called in to see the Registrar, rather than the consultant. However, that was not a problem - he's the one Sue knows from her Gloucester Hospital days, who took her Groshong line out back in July, and he's a nice chap. It's a blessing to have someone you know, and get on well with, rather than someone you have never seen before.

As expected, it was not a particularly "medical" visit, in the sense that there was no blood test, no blood pressure or temperature test, or (of course) any new scan results. It was more "how are you feeling? how is your appetite? how is the pain?" and so on. We did discuss the pain she often gets in the evenings, and learned that we need to be more regimented in the time she takes her tablets. Strange as it may seem, a 12-hour slow release pain-relief tablet will run out after 12 hours! and if she has had her breakfast early, she will therefore either need to take her morning tablets later, or expect to take her evening ones early!

He was also pleased to note - although Sue was not! - that she has put back on some of the weight she lost earlier in the year. He thought it was a good sign, but I think Sue was disappointed.

So now we await a date for the next scan, probably in about four weeks' time; and then another meeting with the Consultant or the Registrar, in about six weeks, to see what happens next.

As always, we are so thankful that - in the grace and mercy of God, and no doubt due to the prayers of so many brothers and sisters in Christ for us - we are remarkably at peace about the present and the future. It is a joy to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that "our times are in His hands", and a privilege to rest in His love; to be able to ask that His will may be done, and His name glorified, in us and through us.

Still here!

2007-08-07T11:57:00.000+01:00

In response to the promptings of several dear friends, I have to apologise for the "all gone very quiet…." situation over the last few weeks. It took me a while to realise that such blog-silence could be interpreted in diametrically opposite ways – either "no news is good news" or "crisis but no opportunity to spread the word about it". Please be assured that if matters did take a turn for the worse I would say! But equally I now realise that faithful prayer requires frequent updates for fervour and freshness; so I will try and make amends in future.

I am pleased to say that Sue is doing well. She still gets tired very easily, and cannot do much; but she is still here (praise the Lord!) and is able to get out from time to time. As anticipated in the last blog entry way back in July, we did get to Hannah's graduation in Manchester, and saw her and her new flat, so that was a blessing - although Sue found the travelling quite tiring (it's about 2.5 hours drive).

She has been to chapel most Sunday mornings over the last eight weeks or so, although she is not strong enough to manage the evening services as well just yet. Now we are having some sunnier weather and warmer evenings we sometimes manage a short and slow walk - and although tired afterwards she can manage further now than she could before. Yesterday we managed her "summer treat" - we drove about 60 miles south to the coast, where she could sit on a deckchair on the sand, with an icecream. She had to walk a couple of hundred yards, and was asleep on the way home, but was glad to have done it.

So physically she is not too bad, and spiritually too - since she started feeling better she has been able to read more, and in recent months has read about William Haslam (Anglican minister 1841 -1905, converted by his own preaching, blessed by the Lord in a revival in Cornwall), Billy Bray, Andrew Bonar, Amy Carmichael, CT Studd, and currently John Newton.

Emotionally there are however "rocky moments". She was for instance quite upset by the recent flooding in the county which UK readers may have heard about - very extensive and with severe disruption to life and property. No floods in 20 years or so in our area, and then twice in a month our garden has had about 15 inches, next door has been within inches of being flooded and the house beyond them flooded twice. A major local water treatment plant was flooded for the first time ever, and so we were without running water for two weeks (relying on water imported in bowsers and literally millions of bottles of water for the three towns affected, and several villages); and in fact the floods were within inches of entering an electricity supply station which would have affected the entire area as well! Compared to many, who lost property and business, we were no more than "inconvenienced"; but Sue found the departure from normality quite hard to deal with. We now have running water again, which is OK for baths/showers/toilets; but we have been told that all water for drinking/cooking/washing-up should still be boiled. Hopefully that will be cleared this week - but it makes you realise what a blessing clean water "on demand" is, and how much gets wasted every day.

But then, don't we all – and all too often – take so much for granted? Do we ever thank the Lord for all His mercies? Indeed, can we ever thank Him for ALL of them (they are so many), let alone enough (they are so abundant)? As the hymnwriter said "All I have needed Thy hand hath provided"; and as Jeremiah said, "It is of the LORD'S mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness." (Lamentation 3:22/23).

And how can we ever – even in eternity – praise Him and thank Him enough for His wonderful love and condescension and mercy and grace? For in the Lord Jesus Christ our greatest need has been met; we have been forgiven and reconciled to Almighty God, through the life and death of His Son.
"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life" (John 3:16)
"But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8)

I know not how a holy God ,
The God Who hates all sin ,
Can look on me with love , although
He knows my thoughts within .
I know not how to face Thee , O
Thou Son of God , the Lamb
In glory and upon thy throne -
For I a sinner am .

I have rebelled and I have sinned ,
Done that which is not right ;
Fallen far short of what Thou dost
Expect in sovereign might .
Deliberate was my sin , O Lord ,
In deed and word and thought ;
I also failed to do those things
Which Thy word said I ought .

I know not how a holy God
Can pardon and forgive ;
Yet words of grace and mercy say
" Repent , believe , and live ! "
I know not how - but this I know
That in Thy word they're found ;
And therefore I by faith may stand
Upon redemption ground .

For on the cross my Saviour died
From sin to set me free ;
His blood was shed that I might live
To all eternity .
He suffered there the wrath of God ,
His Father turned away ;
He paid my debt - and my response ?
To love Him more each day .

What a great, and gracious God, we have!

Now we are wireless!

2007-07-13T13:15:00.000+01:00

Just a quick update to confirm that Sue had her Groshong (chest-wall) line taken out yesterday.

We were only in the hospital for an hour or so, and the procedure was quite quick and relatively painless - thanks to lots of local anaesthetic. The doctor who carried it out did some of his training at the hospital where Sue works, so that made things a bit easier; and he said he would do his best stitching! We will need to change the dressing over the weekend, and then the district nurses will come in next week to take the stitches out.

Another step forward on the road back to normality - PRAISE THE LORD!

As regards family matters, Sue hopes to be well enough to go to Manchester for Hannah's graduation on Monday; and Jess heard this week that she has passed her first year exams, so that is a blessing too. We will go up to Manchester on Sunday night, as the ceremony starts quite early on Monday; but we can't leave very early as I am preaching on Sunday evening in a local church. The first time since last September.....

And the consultant said......

2007-07-05T18:37:00.000+01:00

"You look fantastic!"

He was of course addressing Sue, not me! And of course he has not seen her since March (or possibly even February), so she has changed dramatically since then. She is much brighter, quite a bit stronger - and of course now she has hair!

He confirmed that the scan results were indeed good; they showed no further growth, nor any evidence of new tumour growth elsewhere. He also said that there comes a point where it is very hard to distinguish between remaining "abnormalities" and scar tissue from "things that may have gone". In short, he was very pleased - as we were!

He has therefore decided that the Groshong line (in her chest) can come out next week (they only have that clinic once a week); then he will arrange an appointment to see him in six weeks time (mid-August); and then a scan mid-September before we go to see him again at the end of September. Dates to be confirmed by post in due course!

So we have much to thank the Lord for, because He has been / is / will continue to be very good to us, giving us strength and peace and hope all the way. We can testify to the blessings we have known since Sue was diagnosed in November, and would even thank Him for ordaining the trial so that we could know the blessing. As somebody said, "If you want to see the rainbow of God's covenant love, there has to be a storm" - and we rejoice in the truth of that. Indeed, to take a verse out of context (dangerous, I know!), we would affirm "This was the Lord's doing, and it is marvellous in our eyes" (Mark 12:11)

If you are a regular reader, thank you for your prayerful interest too! Please pray on, as Sue is not completely better; there is still a long way to go before she will be "normal", and able to manage household matters or walk any great distance. It will for instance be good when she can start driving again, and even be fit to return to work. Who knows what progress may be made over the next three months? We don't - but we have a loving Heavenly Father Who knows already, for our times are in His loving and sovereign hands.

It does of course mean that I will have to find other matters to blog about, or it will all go very quiet for many weeks! So watch this space.....

My thoughts surmount these lower skies,
And look within the veil;
There springs of endless pleasures rise,
The waters never fail.

There I behold, with sweet delight,
The blessed Three in One;
And strong affections fix my sight
On God's incarnate Son.

His promise stands for ever firm,
His grace shall ne'er depart;
He binds my name upon His arm,
And seals it on His heart.

Light are the pains that nature brings:
How short our sorrows are,
When with eternal future things
The present we compare.

I would not be a stranger still
To that celestial place,
Where I forever hope to dwell,
Near my Redeemer's face.

Isaac Watts, 1674-1748

Ups and downs and ups

2007-06-28T13:04:00.000+01:00

Since the last post, the general level of things has been stable, and the general trend has been upward - Praise the Lord!

Although not strong, and therefore still unable to do very much, Sue has been feeling quite well in herself; and her hair continues to grow, which adds a psychological boost. For the weekend of 16th/17th June, both our daughters were home; it was lovely to see them together, and they saw a difference in Sue as they had not seen her for a while. In addition, Sue felt well enough to go to chapel on that Sunday morning, the first time since November/December last year,and received a very warm welcome from the friends there. Truly God is good!

Last weekend (23rd/24th June) was not so good however. She started getting stomach pains on the Saturday; initially we thought it might be indigestion, but it persisted, and she was back on the liquid painkiller, with a certain amount of fear building up. As it was still there on the Monday, she called the doctor, who came and gave her some more pills of a different sort; and thankfully by Tuesday the pain had gone again.

Yesterday the doctor telephoned, to see how she was - which was kind of him. However, even kinder was the fact that, in view of the pain, he thought it would be sensible to see if the results of the scan on 14th June were available - just in case there was any evidence of tumour growth to account for the pain. (We did not expect to get the results until we see the consultant on July 5th.) He was pleased to tell Sue that he had been told the scan results were good,with no evidence of further cancer development. We were pleased too!

So as we face the visit to the consultant we do so with less fear and more peace. We have no idea what he will say, or what the future holds; but join us in prasing the Lord for His kindness and His mercy for - as always - "We praise Him for all that is past, and trust Him for all that's to come!"

Now we wait....

2007-06-15T15:23:00.000+01:00

We duly went for a scan on Thursday. The preparation takes about an hour, during which Sue has to drink a bottle of special white liquid (aniseed tasting I believe!); and then, towards the end of that hour, one of the assistants comes and puts her in a cubicle so she can get changed into one of the hospital gowns, which tie up at the back. She was however wearing a long cardigan, which they suggested she kept on, as it was not very warm yesterday.

In the event, it was just as well that she did, as she was waiting, in her cardigan and gown, when the fire alarm went off -- and the department had to be evacuated.....

It was a false alarm, caused by some of the workmen in the Department (there is a lot of building work going on); but of course they have to take all such events seriously. Mercifully it was not raining at the time! We were eventually allowed back in, and then the scan itself only took about 10 minutes.

Now, after waiting for the day of the scan, we have to wait for the results, which (unless they call us in earlier) we will find out when we attend the hospital for the next scheduled appointment on July 5.

But thinking of waiting made me think of a variety of scriptures, which in a way fall into a variety of groups. There are some which show an attitude of waiting patiently for the Lord to act on our behalf:-

Psa 37:7 Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for him:
Psa 62:5 My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him.

There are others that are more about waiting on the Lord for needed (and promised) grace mercy and strength for all that He sends into our lives :-

Psa 25:5 Lead me in thy truth, and teach me: for thou art the God of my salvation; on thee do I wait all the day.
Psa 27:14 Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.
Psa 130:5 I wait for the LORD, my soul doth wait, and in his word do I hope.
Isa 40:31 But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
Lam 3:25 The LORD is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him.

And then of course there are those that encourage us to look forward with eagerness, and preparedness, for the great day when we shall see Him!:-

Isa 8:17 And I will wait upon the LORD, that hideth his face from the house of Jacob, and I will look for him.
Luk 12:36 And ye yourselves like unto men that wait for their lord, when he will return from the wedding; that when he cometh and knocketh, they may open unto him immediately.
1Th 1:10 And to wait for his Son from heaven, whom he raised from the dead, even Jesus, which delivered us from the wrath to come.
Jas 5:8 Be ye also patient; stablish your hearts: for the coming of the Lord draweth nigh.

What a day that will be! What a prospect it is! and in comparison, what is a few days wait for test results, whatever they show?

But, Lord, 'tis for Thee, for Thy coming, we wait;
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
O trump of the angel! O voice of the Lord!
Blesséd hope! Blesséd rest of my soul!
Horatio Gates Spafford, 1828-88

Interlude III

2007-06-05T21:13:00.000+01:00

In one sense nothing is happening at the moment. We are still having a chemo break; the next "booking" is for a scan on June 14th, and then back to see the doctor on July 5th (unless called in early when scan results available - we shall see).

But in reality we have much to thank the Lord for. There is the emotional /psychological effect of Sue's hair starting to grow again! There is also a measure of physical improvement; she continues to be quite bright in herself, not much pain recently, and able to go for a short walk last Saturday. She is able to read a little too.

But we would not forget that there are the mercies of each new day - so often taken for granted

"It is of the LORD'S mercies that we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is Thy faithfulness. The LORD is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in Him. The LORD is good unto them that wait for Him, to the soul that seeketh Him. It is good that a man should both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the LORD"( Lam 3:23-26)

We are therefore seeking to "rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him", and also to "praise Him for all that is past, and trust Him for all that's to come".

Look back, my soul, and see
The One who died for thee;
Bearing God's wrath upon the cross,
That He might set thee free.

Look up and see Him there,
The Father's Son enthroned;
The One who reigns in glory now,
Having for sin atoned.

Look down and see the hell
From which He hath saved thee;
Look round and wonder, why such grace
Should choose to look on thee ?

Look forward to seeing Him!
When world and life shall wane,
We'll praise for ever, and will love
The Lamb for sinners slain.

And what happened?

2007-05-26T17:23:00.000+01:00

After a four-week break from the chemo regime, we had an appointment at the hospital last Thursday, so we went in the hope that we would learn more about what was to happen next.

In fact, the doctor we saw (not the consultant, or the registrar we saw the last time) just asked how Sue was, and a few more questions, prodded and poked her stomach a bit, then said he would arrange a scan in the next few weeks and after that another appointment - which, due due to clinics being full and/or cancelled - will not be until 5th July.

So we leave it all in the Lord's hands, for His timing of events is best and His timetable of disclosing things to us is perfect.

Leave God to order all thy ways,
And hope in Him whate'er betide,
Thou'lt find Him in the evil days
Thy all-sufficient strength and guide;
Who trusts in God's unchanging love,
Builds on the rock that nought can move.

What can these anxious cares avail,
These never-ceasing moans and sighs?
What can it help us to bewail
Each painful moment as it flies?
Our cross and trials do but press
The heavier for our bitterness.

Only thy restless heart keep still,
And wait in cheerful hope; content
To take whate'er His gracious will,
His all-discerning love hath sent;
Nor doubt our inmost wants are known
To Him who chose us for His own.

He knows when joyful hours are best,
He sends them as He sees it meet;
When thou hast borne the fiery test,
And now art freed from all deceit,
He comes to thee all unaware,
And makes thee own His loving care.

Nor in the heat of pain and strife,
Think God hath cast thee off unheard,
And that the man, whose prosperous life
Thou enviest, is of Him preferred;
Time passes and much change doth bring,
And sets a bound to everything.

All are alike before His face;
'Tis easy to our God most High
To make the rich man poor and base,
To give the poor man wealth and joy.
True wonders still by Him are wrought,
Who setteth up, and brings to nought.

Sing, pray, and swerve not from His ways,
But do thine own part faithfully,
Trust His rich promises of grace,
So shall they be fulfilled in thee;
God never yet forsook in need
The soul that trusted Him indeed.

Georg Christian Neumark, 1621-1681
Translated by Catherine Winkworth 1827-1878

Interlude II

2007-05-21T21:16:00.000+01:00

Sue is going on well, albeit quietly, so - while we await the next hospital appointment next Thursday (24th) - I thought I would post another hymn :-

"His way is best!" – 'Tis easy
When all around is light;
When men are kind, and all's well,
With no dark cloud in sight.
But when comes down the darkness
Of sickness or of pain,
Of persecution, terror –
'Tis hard faith to retain.

And when your loved ones leave you,
And when the future's bleak,
When hopes are dashed and doubts rise,
And you feel frail and weak;
When no one knows how you feel,
And you feel all alone –
Remember then your Saviour
Who sits upon the throne.

For He was once among us,
He felt your pain and woe;
And now He is your Shepherd,
Who'll never let you go.
But more, He is the God-Man
Who knows the future too –
And He will full accomplish
His perfect plan for you.

He loves His blood-bought people,
He knows your every fear;
He understands supremely,
And stores up every tear.
So as you face the future,
Although to you unknown,
Trust in your sovereign Saviour
Who has made you His own.

Interlude

2007-05-07T13:21:00.001+01:00

As you will know, in the goodness of the Lord Sue is having a break from the chemo for a few weeks. We are due to see the consultant on May 24th; what happens after that is unknown to us, but known and planned by our Heavenly Father who will give us - as the need arises - all the grace and and strength we need to cross each bridge we come to in the way to glory.

Meanwhile, rather than leave the blog dormant for a month,I thought I would post some hymns, and this is one that "came to my attention" before the service last night. I found it helpful to meditate on for a few minutes, as many have done over the years; the truths are timeless, as is evidenced by the fact that the author and the translator lived so long ago. Our God is the LORD, and He never changes and is always faithful.

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side;
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence, let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on
When we shall be for ever with the Lord;
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

Katherina von Schlegel, b. 1697
Translated by Jane Laurie Borthwick, 1837-1897

Praise and thanksgiving!

2007-04-24T18:58:00.000+01:00

"O give thanks unto the LORD for He is good; for His mercy endureth for ever" (Psalm 107:1)
"The righteous shall be glad in the LORD, and shall trust in Him; and all the upright in heart shall glory" (Psalm 64:10)
"The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in Him, and I am helped: therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise Him" (Psalm 28:7)
"O magnify the LORD with me, and let us exalt His name together" (Psalm 34:3)
"…..that the abundant grace might through the thanksgiving of many redound to the glory of God" (II Cor 4:15)

You will have guessed from the above that we have good news to share!

We have been to the hospital three days in a row – 12 hours for a blood transfusion on Sunday, 1.5 hours for a scan yesterday, and then to outpatients today. Bearing in mind that the results of the first scan took a week, we were not over-hopeful about the results from yesterday being available today; but they were. Although not using the words "cure" or "remission", and although cautious enough to day that there were still "some lymph node abnormalities", the doctor did say that Sue's liver looked "much better". She therefore proposed that the chemo due today (a pump-sack top-up) should be cancelled; and also that all treatment should be put on hold for four weeks, to give Sue a break.

So – PRAISE THE LORD!

Our brothers and sisters in Christ from so many churches and fellowships have been so good in praying for us, and we are therefore delighted to be able to share the good news of answered prayer with you. We will still need (and very much value) your prayers in the coming days; we have no idea at this stage what will happen when we go back in four week's time, or thereafter, and Sue is still quite weak. But the good news today is a great lift for us all, and the break will do her good – and she may even feel like going out for a meal for her birthday next month!

Meanwhile, rejoice with us! And – without in any way minimising the care shown by the medical staff, and their expertise, and the drugs at their disposal – give God the glory!

Prompt post!

2007-04-18T07:25:00.000+01:00

Sue had the intravenous/overnight stay chemo two weeks ago, and the side-effects always take a few days to come out. As a result she was quite low last week, not much appetite or interest in anything - eventually starting to pick up by about Thursday. But then she developed a throat infection, so had (indeed, still has) a job to eat or talk. The doctor came on Friday and gave her some antibiotics, which hopefully will kick in soon; but the blood test showed that her blood count has dropped. As a result, they decided (at the normal Tuesday outpatient clinic yesterday) that they would postpone the chemo (the weekly pumpsack top-up) for this week, and give her a blood transfusion. However, that can't be done until Saturday (and that depends on a bed being free anyway, as it will take 5-6 hours).

She also has a scan due next Monday, the results of which will be compared to the "pictures" they took at the beginning of February (and those from the original scan in November) - then the consultant will decide what happens next. The results, and future treatment options, are in the Lord's hands - as we are; and that's the best place to be!

What if.....?

2007-04-10T21:51:00.000+01:00

A belated update on the events of the last 10 days or so .....

Although supposed to go in for an overnight stay last Tuesday, there were no beds... so Sue went in on Wednesday (4th) and came out on Thursday (5th). All went well; she was able to go straight to the ward and straight to bed, all by 10 am, instead of getting there late morning and having to wait until nearly lunch-time before the bed was actually free. Then the treatment went ok too - apart from the night-nurses forgot to swap the finished chemo bag for the 6-hour post-chemo saline solution "flush-through", so she was about 1.5 hours later leaving than she might have been...But, in the overall scheme of things, that hardly constitutes a problem!

Then yesterday (prompt post for a change!) she went to the outpatients clinic, which was VERY busy (poor nursing staff rushed off their feet during a VERY long day). The initial appointment was 11:30; it was probably 12:30 before she got called for a blood test, and after seeing the doctor we eventually got away about 2:30pm. Although we took a pager home with us, it didn't go off during the afternoon; so when I got back from work we went back down to the hospital about 6 pm......and sat and waited until around 8:30 before being called in to have the chemo sack replaced. There were still people waiting when we left 15 mins later!

In herself, Sue was quite good the weekend before last; quite buoyant, quite happy, quite "with-it", although still having some pain for (usually) a brief period at some point most days. The last intravenous session (as above) has however taken its toll (not unexpectedly); she has been much quieter, more withdrawn, much more "weak and wobbly" and therefore needing more assistance. Even during the long waits yesterday she could not be bothered to read, or even look at a magazine; so she was just sitting there......... (although we did talk from time to time!)However, there seems to be a slight improvement this evening; she says she feels more relaxed.

But the questions do arise :-
* What if we had to travel for 2 hours to even get to the hospital (as some yesterday did), instead of just 10 minutes? Isn't proximity a blessing, for which we can give thanks?
* What if we had to pay for all the treatment, and the professional fees? Isn't the provision under the good old NHS a blessing, for which we can give thanks?
* What if there were no hospitals, and no chemo drugs, and no medical staff? Anywhere, let alone within easy access? Isn't the provision - indeed, the very existence - of such facilities a blessing, for which we can give thanks? "Oh that men would praise the LORD for his goodness, and for his wonderful works to the children of men!" (Psalm 107:8)
* What if we (and everybody else in the waiting room) were angry and bitter at all the waiting? Imagine the atmosphere! Isn't the patience of patients a blessing to be acknowledged, as a blessing orchestrated by God Who restrains the evil in many hearts.
* What if our employers were not so flexible and understanding as they have proved themselves to be? Another wonderful provision, to be acknowledged as from the Lord who controls all things (but we need to thank them too!)
* What if we had no faith? and saw nothing of the guiding and caring and protecting hand of our Sovereign Heavenly Father in the whole situation? It is a very great blessing to be able - in true faith, not blind faith - to trust the promises of God: "Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you." (I Peter 5:7) "Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness." (Isaiah 41:10)
*More to the point, how do those who have no faith manage? It is good to be able to say to those who say " I don't know how you keep going" "It's all a metter of grace and prayer - grace from the Lord and the prayers of His people". But it would be better to have opportunity to go beyond that - to try and explain about the love of God as a reality, and the assurance of sins forgiven and peace with God a precious certainty, because of Calvary - and to talk about the Lord Jesus Christ as Saviour and Lord available to all "And it shall come to pass, that whosoever shall call on the name of the Lord shall be saved" (Acts 2:21)
* What if someone who reads this is actually prompted to think of their own standing before the eternal Holy God, and their own eternal destiny?

21 weeks

2007-03-31T12:00:00.000+01:00

I was thinking I ought to mark the occasion in some way today - not that "21 weeks" is (as such) anything special , but just to acknowledge that it was 21 weeks ago today that Sue went into hospital for the first time.

Not that we had any idea what the problem was at that stage; a blessing yet in store! She went in, in great pain (which, in the end, was actually diagnosed as pneumonia) very early on the Saturday, and went from A&E onto the ward within a few hours. They did all sorts of tests and x-rays and scans over the weekend, followed by a liver biopsy on the Thursday (9th); but it was not until the following Thursday (16th) that the consultant confirmed his diagnosis of cancer. However, even then we were at peace, having prayed ourselves and knowing that we were being prayed for.

Much has happened since then; but, in it all and through it all, the Lord our God has been SO GOOD to us and blessed us in so many ways that we have to publicly give thanks for all His grace and mercy. Some dear brothers and sisters in Christ have offered financial help; others have provided practical help, such as two or three meals per week, or just phoned/visited to ask how we are. Thankyou to all those who have ministered to us in such ways!

The Lord has also prompted many people to pray for us, in many fellowships far beyond ours, and in several countries; if you have been (and are) praying for us, I thank the Lord for YOU and your concern for us. Please be assured that your prayers are being answered as we continue to be upheld by the grace and mercy of the Lord and the love of His people. Many of you I do not expect to meet this side of glory; but it is surely a proof of the reality of the bonds of "love in the Lord and for His sake" that so many people have pleaded for us at the throne of grace. I look forward to meeting you there!

As regards the current situation, it is certainly true that Sue looks different to how she looked 21 weeks ago - and how she looked (say) 10 weeks ago. Over the weeks of chemotherapy she has lost virtually all of her hair, and about 30lb in weight. But whereas there was a time when (with the chemo and the painkillers etc) she looked tired most of the time and "glazed"/"not quite with it" around the eyes, and had a job to put two words together, now - thank the Lord! - she is much better most of the time. She still gets pain, to some degree, most days at some point; she is still weak and wobbly, and feels "safe" in bed; and sometimes her hands are quite shaky. But the smiles are more frequent; conversation is getting easier; and there is often something of the old "sparkle in her eyes" that is VERY GOOD to see! We hope that, as the lighter evenings come and the warmer weather, we will be able to go for more walks - short and slow, but nonetheless a breath of fresh air.

This week she is due to go into hospital for the next overnight stay/intravenous chemo, if there is a bed...... then the two following Tuesdays will be visits to the outpatients clinic; then at some point she will have another scan, to see how things are doing - and then the consultant will say what happens next (either more of the same, or have a break for a bit). It is all in the Lord's hands, and we are more than content to leave it there!

Psa 107:8 Oh that men would praise the LORD for his goodness, and for his wonderful works to the children of men!
Rom 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

This week

2007-03-23T13:26:00.000Z

This week we had the ordinary visit to the outpatients clinic, which nearly went better than ever.....

After getting there about 9:30am, Sue had the blood-test and dressing change and (after a while) saw the doctor, and we were out by around 11am; not bad. I took her home and left for work - only to get a call half-way to say the pager had gone off (meaning the chemo was ready). This was much earlier than usual! So we got back to the hospital about 12:15 ..................and then had to sit and wait until just after 2pm. Perhaps it was somebody's lunch-time?

The Macmillan nurse has also been in this week, which is good. She comes very two weeks or so, just to see how we are doing, and to offer any suggestions and advice that she can. Sometimes the ideas are readily acceptable, others take a bit of getting used to - and to some we have to say "not ready for that quite yet!"

In herself, Sue is still having good days and bad days; sometimes there is pain, often there is a degree of depression, frequently there is a lack of appetite, and always there is weakness. In part we think this is the after-effects of the last batch of intra-venous chemo; she seems a little brighter now at the end of the week than she did at the start of the week. Still, we are grateful to the Lord for daily mercies and daily grace.

Encouragements

2007-03-15T21:40:00.000Z

After going into hospital on Monday evening, Sue started her treatment around mid-day on Tuesday, so it was just after mid-day yesterday when she was allowed out again. This is now the normal timescale (around 24 hours) and is much better than the first couple of stays which were rather longer.

She says she feels better than she does sometimes after the treatment; she had some pain last night and this morning, but nowhere near as bad as last week - and this evening she and her mother (who lives with us) managed to cook the tea between them, which was good! She certainly looks and sounds reasonably bright - again, very much in contrast to last week, for which we are grateful to the Lord.

We also have the weekend to look forward to, as both daughters should be home for a couple of days - it will be nice to see them, and spend time with them. Life at home is very quiet when they are away at uni!

Truly we have so much to thank the Lord for - the mercies of each new day of grace, the blessing of home and friends and family, the privilege of being able to share the word of God together and listen to sermons together (many thanks to certain special friends in Georgia!) - and principally the blessings of salvation and redemption and forgiveness in and through Jesus Christ!

Psa 107:1/2 O give thanks unto the LORD, for he is good: for his mercy endureth for ever. Let the redeemed of the LORD say so, whom he hath redeemed from the hand of the enemy;

Good days and not so good

2007-03-12T23:01:00.000Z

This has not been an easy week week medically - Sue has been (actually or just feeling) sick, not eating for 2-3 days, feeling low and depressed, being in pain - with visits from the Macmillan nurse, the district nurses, and the GP, and various tablet changes. However by Friday, in the grace and mercy of God, she was actually beginning to pick up a bit. Saturday we actually managed to go for a short and slow walk! and Sunday morning she was ok, and had some lunch, so all seemed well. However, when the pain comes, it comes - so we just have to get a couple of spoonfuls of the morphine-substitute into her, and in time it eases.

In the providence of God, Sue was called into the hospital tonight. We were glad she had a bed early (she was due to go in tomorrow) but thought it a bit odd she she asked to report to the ward at 6pm..... but it transpired they just wanted to get her in, lest they should lose the bed to another department! and so she will not have even the initial blood-tests, or start the pre-chemo hydration (saline drips) until tomorrow, and it will be Wednesday before she gets out. But on balance it is better to be in and wait, rather than wait at home and be a week late!

We are therefore grateful to the Lord for the bed, and for the hospital facilities, and for the fact that she is feeling - quite often - as well as she does; there is sometimes even a sparkle in her eyes, which has been missing for quite a lot of the time since we had the diagnosis in November. Truly God is good! How many blessings we have to thank the Lord for, each and every day.

Thanks for the prayer-support - much appreciated.

An interesting day

2007-03-07T22:34:00.000Z

Generally speaking, Sue is not too bad, apart from being tired and weak/wobbly - although the last few days she has had a fair bit of pain for some reason in the evenings.

I could just report that Sue went in yesterday for the normal outpatients clinic visit; that she saw the doctor, and had the normal blood tests, which were ok; that she then went home for a couple of hours before being "bleeped" to go back in to have the chemo sac on the pump renewed; and also to get a different mix of mouthwashes for her sore mouth.

However...

That would leave out the fact that, in the gracious providence of God, the garage managed to fit a new clutch unit to J's car (dropped off only on Saturday as an emergency) by yesterday (Tuesday) afternoon. Initially they said next weekend - then "possibly Thursday".

That was important because she had taken Sue's car to uni on Sunday afternoon, and rang in the evening to say the water "warning light" was coming on. Although topped up, it was still glowing on Monday night (after driving to and from work); and although the tank was refilled on Tuesday morning before she left, it was virtually empty when she got to the hospital at which she was working. She was getting very nervous about driving it home....

So (as any husband and father would do) the day actually included not only two visits to the outpatients clinic at the local hospital, but a visit (to swap cars) to another hospital 100 miles away, then a wait for one mechanic to diagnose the problem (a corroded cooling pipe has sprung a hole or two,as a starting point), then another wait before a trip back in a recovery vehicle late at night to the garage - before a kind brother-in-law drove me home.

But the journey down was lovely and sunny, and the Lord was peculiarly close, so it was good to take time to praise Him for all His goodness and mercy and grace and love. Not by coincidence, another blog I read had the following quote for yesterday -
“When you take time to travel with reverence, a richer life unfolds before you.” - and that was certainly true for me.

The weekend

2007-03-05T07:22:00.000Z

As expected, Sue went into outpatients on Friday for her blood transfusion, which took the usual 4-5 hours. I am pleased to say that she felt brighter afterwards.

However, Jess was home for the weekend, and she had to accompany Sue down to the hospital again on Saturday as her mouth was very sore. (We told the consultant on Tuesday, but he said that it didn't look too bad; but it got worse.) They gave Sue some mouthwashes, and hopefully that will ease things. (I couldn't go, because I took J's car to the garage, as the clutch had gone....so she has taken Sue's car back to uni, somewhat nervously as it is bigger than hers; but she needs a car to get to her placement for the next few weeks. Hopefully hers will be fixed this week.)

What with the soreness of mouth, and continuing "on and off" stomach pains, Sue was not overbright yesterday; a bit muddled at times, and quite tearful, and having more recourse to the "when required" pain killers. Nonethless she managed to eat some lunch, and enjoyed it, which is a blessing.

As ever, we continue to look to the Lord, and trust in Him - our sovereign heavenly Father, who allows and permits and controls all things in His love.

Not so good

2007-02-27T18:51:00.000Z

Fiona the Macmillan nurse called just after we got back from the Outpatients Clinic this morning. In answer to her question about "how things were" I had to tell her that
(a)Sue has some sort of infection again under both arms (antibiotics did not clear it up properly last time, so we have some ointment to try)
(b)she has a sore mouth
(c)the Groshong line seems loose (they did try and tape it up a bit in clinic)
(d)the skin around the line exit is blistering, not from the chemo, but from having a dressing on it for the last few weeks
(e)she is anaemic
(f)after quite a bright week-end, she is now very tired, and has spent most of today (when at home) asleep

Fiona and I agreed that there was nothing she could do at this stage, so she will call again next week. It is a blessing to know that friendly medical support is there.

We went back around 4pm to get the chemo pump top-up, and the nurse took more blood so they can do a cross-match before we go back on Friday morning for another blood tranfusion.

As in all areas of life, there are good days and grey days; but what a blessing to know - and be able to trust wholly in, and lean upon - the Unchanging Eternal God, our Heavenly Father, Who loves us and cares for us.

Lam 3:22/23 It is of the LORD'S mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.

In and out ....again!

2007-02-20T22:31:00.000Z

Readers may remember that the last three-weekly overnight stay for chemo was delayed by nearly a week due to lack of beds.

Sue was due to go today, either for an overnight stay if there was a bed, or to outpatients to have the 24/7 pump restarted (after the Groshong line was re-fitted last Thursday). We thought the outpatient scenario was more likely - but the Lord had a better way!

Much to our surprise, and despite what the local paper called "a bed crisis" (Front page headline a few days ago "HOSPITAL CLOSED....."), the oncology unit called YESTERDAY - a day early! - to say that there was a spare bed.

So she went in yesterday, had the chemo overnight, had the 24/7 pump restarted today, and was allowed out around mid-day!

O give thanks unto the Lord for He is good!

In and out

2007-02-17T11:31:00.000Z

Pleased to report that Sue went into hospital yesterday to have the Groshong line re-fitted and, after an xray to make sure it was all in the right place, she was allowed home again this morning. She feels (and sounds) quite well, which is a blessing - despite not having had much sleep last night as the ward was a little noisier than usual....

The next stage will be Tuesday. In theory she is due for another overnight stay, for the three-weekly intravenous chemo (don't these three week periods fly by?!); but in practice this is unlikely, based partly on previous experience and partly on the fact that there is a bed crisis at the hospital at the moment (so says local paper!). We will ring on Tuesday just in case; but, even if there is no bed, we will have to go in anyway for the outpatients clinic, so that the 24/7 pump can be restarted now that the line is in place.

In it all - totally unstressed, totally at peace, totally confident that our lives are ordered by the Lord and our times are in His hands. What a blessing!

Praise the Lord!

2007-02-13T11:31:00.000Z

We went to the hospital this morning, and came home grateful to the Lord for His goodness. Although the consultant had not actually seen the scan results when he arrived to see us (!), he managed to locate them - and I am very pleased to report that he says the tumours seem to be responding well to the chemo. Truly the Lord is good!

He therefore proposes to have the Groshong line re-inserted, hopefully later this week, then carry on with another three cycles of treatment (ie 9 weeks, subject as usual to delays due to bed availability, or rather bed non-availability!) - then take another scan and review the situation again.

Sue is (we both are!) therefore relieved; she is by no means out of the woods, but the Lord has not allowed things to get worse, nor do we have to adapt to another treatment regime. What a joy and privilege to have a heavenly Father Who knows and allows and controls, and to be able to accept all that He sends; and also to know that "The LORD is nigh unto all them that call upon Him, to all that call upon Him in truth".

2Co 1:11 Ye also helping together by prayer for us, that for the gift bestowed upon us by the means of many persons thanks may be given by many on our behalf.

Interesting developments...

2007-02-06T22:51:00.000Z

The wonder of answered prayer continues, as Sue shows an increased desire for spiritual things; indeed, she said the other day that she thinks about little else at the moment. Suffice to say that it is not uncommon for her to listen to at least one sermon on CD or tape each day, and some days two or three! (I will need to download or order some more!) So may the Lord "give the increase" and enable her to retain and profit from what she hears.

The last 24 hours have been interesting, as we had to go to the hospital around 10:30 pm last night because the Groshong line (the line in her chest-wall, linked to the 24/7 pump) came out.......There was no pain, no bleeding; she had no idea there was anything wrong until I pointed it out! In the event, they did nothing last night (other than redo the dressing) because we were due at clinic this morning anyway.

The clinic this morning should have been the usual two hours for blood test/see doctor, followed by an hour or so later in the day for refitting the chemo sac. But no line, no chemo! However, she was also due to have a CT scan, which went OK; and the clinic doctor decided that rather than rush in and arrange a new Groshong line, it might be more sensible to await the scan results and then (next Tuesday) review the position and decide what to do next......

Meanwhile, she did have the usual blood test and, as that showed she is a little anaemic, a blood test has been arranged for Friday morning. That is part of the reason why she is so constantly tired.

We were so pleased when last week's chemo went well and straight-forwardly! But, as always, we remain comforted by the assurance that our Heavenly Father is never caught by surprise; He ordains our times and seasons, and "He doeth all things well".

How are you?

2007-02-03T11:30:00.000Z

With many people asking how Sue is doing, I thought an update might be appropriate.

She had the chemo last week, as you know, and that went very well. However, the days following chemo usually bring a few "down days", when the days seem dark and the Lord seems far away - and when a lack of assurance is a powerful and subtle tool in the hands of the enemy of our souls. Please pray that the Lord would draw close to Sue in tender mercy, and "bless her, keep her, make His face shine upon her and be gracious unto her, lift up His countenance upon her, and give her peace" (Numbers 6:24-26).

The other matter for prayer is that on Tuesday (6th)we are not only due to go to the hospital for the outpatients "pump top-up" visit, but she is booked for another CT scan, when they will take pictures of the cancers and compare them to the pictures taken in November when the diagnosis was first made. The results last time took about a week; but the outcome is (as always) in the hands of (and already known to, and controlled by) our loving Heavenly Father.

Isn't the sovereignty of God a wonderfully comforting truth?

May the Lord richly bless you as you pray for us; and may His will be done on earth as it is in Heaven.

She's home!

2007-01-30T12:07:00.000Z

Need I say more? except - of course - "Praise the Lord"!

She's in!

2007-01-29T13:15:00.000Z

At the risk of being misunderstood - I am pleased to say that Sue went into hospital this morning! They will not start the chemo until the blood-test results come back; but at least she has a bed.

In fact they started the pre-chemo pre-hydration saline drip about 11am, and by about 5pm she was ready for the chemo - 6 hours of saline drips compared to nearly 24 hours the first time! So hopefully she will ok to come home by about lunch-time tomorrow, DV.

Patience and comfort

2007-01-26T13:32:00.000Z

Sadly, the response from the hospital both this morning and yesterday was "sorry, no beds, try again tomorrow....". The ward clerk did however say that, if a bed became available over the weekend, they would let us know. So we will wait and see what ( if anything) the weekend brings - and then see what is said on Monday.

Isn't it wonderful to rest in the love of our heavenly Father, whose timing is best and always perfect? We are by grace being kept in peace, and not being stressed by the delay. Instead we are comforted by His sovereign care - and comforted by the prayers of SO MANY brothers and sisters who seek His will and His glory on our behalf in this situation. Thank you!

More delays - and more help

2007-01-24T21:14:00.000Z

Sorry for slight delay, but I wanted to see what would happen yesterday and today before updating.

In theory Sue should have had a bed yesterday for more of the intravenous chemo. The usual story though - "sorry, no bed today, try again tomorrow"..... She did however go to the outpatient clinic to have blood tests, which were ok; so we took the pager and went home for a few hours before returning to have the 24/7 pump refilled, so at least that part is functioning as anticipated.

There was a "sorry etc" reply to the bed question again this morning - and in fact the ward clerk said that the bed pressure at the moment is such that a bed may not become available until Friday. What a mercy to have confidence in the sovereign control and perfect timing of our loving Heavenly Father! Whatever the timing of the next bed-stay, though, the consultant we saw in the outpatient clinic said that he will arrange for more scans in about three weeks time to see how the cancers are, and to what extent the chemo is working.

In herself Sue is not too bad most of the time - not in pain because of all the painkillers, and not feeling sick at all. Not much hair left though! The GP has however changed some of the tablets, which have left her quite wobbly/unsteady - not good when she is quite weak anyway. She spends most of the day resting, and dozing if not actually asleep. Television holds no interest, and reading is still an effort - although reading a small portion from the large-print Bible (currently in the Psalms) is manageable. We read short sections of "lighter" Christian books in the evenings – currently a paperback about Abraham called "Living in the gap between promise and reality". Recommended!

In terms of extra help, one of the local Macmillan nurse team came to meet us last week, to see what she could do to help rather than for medical purposes, and she assisted us with a claim for Disability Allowance. She said we could apply for a blue badge for the car as well, but Sue does not want to admit to being disabled quite yet!

The other area of "more help" is to hear of yet more brothers and sisters in Christ who are praying for us. It is a truly humbling thing to find - indeed to KNOW - that so many people are praying for us. At the weekend I heard not only of another church (this time in the USA) where we have been mentioned in the prayers of the public worship, but (even more amazing and humbling) where after the service a lady came to the brother who is there who knows us, and asked for more details as she feels she wants to make a prayer commitment for us. Truly the Lord's ways are higher than our ways and His thoughts higher than our thoughts - and how kind and gracious He is. If He prompts so many to prayer, will He not answer? So may His will be done, and may He be glorified in the life and future of this little (very unworthy) family.

All joined up

2007-01-17T07:33:00.000Z

I was going to call this "all pumped up" - but that might be misinterpreted. I nearly called it "reconnected", which would have been better; but "all joined up" has a wider meaning....

We went to the hospital yesterday, and had two sessions - 11:30 to 1:30, and 4:45 - 6:45 (or thereabouts). It could have been longer, but we learned from experience and asked for a pager, so we could go home in between. On the other hand, it could have been shorter; we chose to go back about 4:30, rather than waiting to be "paged", so we could have stayed at home for another hour and a half. But not knowing how late the clinic was running, or what time they finished, we erred on the side of caution.

The first session was waiting to be called, and then having blood samples taken. We were pleased to see that blood could be taken from both parts of the Groshong line; in the past they have not been able to get blood from either, so they have had to resort to hands and elbows. This suggests that the cleaning work done at the time of the xray last week may have been a good thing! We also saw the specialist GI nurse (gastro-intestinal) who talked to us when we had the first diagnosis, and she very helpfully arranged for us to see the consultant - so that put Sue's mind at rest, as she wanted to ask about a couple of things.

Then later in the day we went back and the "pump-in-a-bag" was refilled and refitted - so (as per title) she is "all joined up" again - and has to remember that the bag goes with her everywhere, bath and bed included....

The other reason for the "all joined up" title, though, is to thank the Lord for all the friends, most of whom we have never met, that pray for this little family. I say "most" because I now believe that there are more "unknown" people praying for us that friends we do know! I keep hearing of new groups who have been told about us - a ladies meeting here, a family or friend of a friend there, a church hundreds of miles away. The family of God is a very precious gift; we are indeed all brothers and sisters in Christ, and part of a wonderful grapevine that passes all sorts of needs around (more biblically, all branches of one Vine would be better!). So, if you read this but have never met us - thank you for your support and may the Lord of all grace and glory bless you.

And they departed from ...and encamped in ...

2007-01-12T07:27:00.000Z

If you look at Numbers 34, you will see that phrase (or similar) repeated many times. I remember hearing a brother preach on it (or something like it) several years ago - calling it ( I think) "the grey days of the christian life". By that he meant days where there seems nothing going on, nothing to report - and where it is easy to forget the unchanging faithfulness of our gracious God.

We are in such days at the moment - living as it were in limbo, between hospital appointments. We have not heard when the pumped chemo will be restarted; presumably the xray results from earlier this week have to be passed to the oncology team, and then someone needs to decide what happens next. Meanwhile there are good days and bad days, tearful days and brighter days, as the emotional/depressing side effects of last week's intravenous chemo come out.

But in it all it is good to acknowledge the faithfulness of God, and the provision of all our needs (as the hymn-writer says,"All I have needed Thy hand hath provided"), and so much more besides - including the very great blessing of dear brothers and sisters who pray for us. O give thanks unto the Lord for He is good!

Progress?

2007-01-08T20:49:00.000Z

We went for the xray today. The radiologist (?) injected some dye up both tubes of the Groshong line, and then took a series of pictures a few seconds apart to show the dye moving through the bloodstream. They seemed to be OK - so now we wait a call or letter from the Oncology technicians to say what happens next.

Thankfully, she is calmer today,after quite an emotional weekend - one of the side effects of last week's chemo, but also (in part) a response to both girls returning to Uni last week. We continue to trust in the Lord, Who is control, and continue to praise Him for His goodness and faithfulness; today we read about His unchanging nature/character/truth - and what a blessing it is to have such a Rock/Fortress/High Tower!

Home again - but not for long

2007-01-05T15:31:00.000Z

Glad to say she is home again - eventually! We thought it might have been last night, but (due to one or two "technical problems"), she was let out after lunch today.

Although the main purpose of going in was to have the two chemo drugs that are "dripped in", which they managed, there are problems with the Groshong (chestwall) line - as a result of which they have not been able to restart the 24/7 pumped chemo. To see what the problems are, they need to do a special sort of xray - and unfortunately they could not manage it while she was in hospital. The hospital have however just rung to say could she go to the xray dept on Monday at 10:30. So back we will go!

Still, it will be good to have a weekend at least without wires.

Praise the Lord for His goodness in allowing all this technical stuff - and for all the prayerful interest in this little family. Thank you!

Finally, some readers may find the following of interest, taken from John Piper's latest emailed sermon (see http://www.desiringgod.org/ - "Ask your Father in Heaven") ...

One Final Question
One final question: How shall we understand these six promises in verses 7 and 8: "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened"?
Does this mean that everything a child of God asks for he gets?

I think the context here is sufficient to answer this question. No, we do not get everything we ask for - and we should not and we would not want to. The reason I say we should not is because we would in effect become God if God did everything we asked him to do. We should not be God. God should be God. And the reason I say that we would not want to get everything we asked is because we would then have to bear the burden of infinite wisdom which we do not have. We simply don’t know enough to infallibly decide how every decision will turn out and what the next events in our lives, let alone in history, should be.

But the reason I say that we do not get all we ask is because the text implies this. Jesus says in verses 9-10 that a good father will not give his child a stone if he asks for bread, and will not give him a serpent if he asks for a fish. This illustration prompts us to ask, "What if the child asks for a serpent?" Does the text answer whether the Father in heaven will give it? Yes, it does. In verse 11, Jesus draws out this truth from the illustrations: Therefore, how much more will your Father give good things to those who ask him.

He gives good things - only good things. He does not give serpents to children. Therefore, the text itself points away from the conclusion that "Ask and you will receive" means "Ask and you will receive the very thing you ask for when you ask for it in the way you ask for it". It doesn’t say that, and it doesn’t mean that.
If we take the passage as a whole, it says that when we ask and seek and knock — when we pray as needy children looking away from our own resources to our trustworthy heavenly Father — he will hear and he will give us good things. Sometimes just what we asked. Sometimes just when we ask it. Sometimes just the way we desire. And other times he gives us something better, or at a time he knows is better, or in a way he knows is better.

And of course, this tests our faith. Because if we thought that something different was better, we would have asked for it in the first place. But we are not God. We are not infinitely strong, or infinitely righteous, or infinitely good, or infinitely wise, or infinitely loving. And therefore, it is a great mercy to us and to the world that we do not get all we ask.

Cycle II begins

2007-01-03T22:25:00.000Z

After a slight delay last week (for the infection), and yesterday (for the lack of a bed), I'm glad to say that Sue went in this morning and had the pre-chemo hydration during the day; and we HOPE that the chemo drip will be going through tonight.

There may however be a delay, as the Groshong line (see earlier post) seemed to be leaking a little, so they may need to do an x-ray to see if there is a problem. Leaking saline solition is not a problem; leaking chemo drug most definitely is!

However, subject to that, it seems possible that the post-chemo saline flush will go through by about lunch-time tomorrow, and then she can come home. We will though need to find out about the 24/7 pumped stuff, as nobody has mentioned that yet; it would make sense to have that re-started while she is in, but then the NHS does not always make sense!

No room in the .....

2007-01-02T13:10:00.000Z

Having been given a letter last Friday to say that a bed had been booked for today (hopefully to re-start the chemo), we rang at 8:30 - and were told "Sorry, no bed, please try again tomorrow".....

Home again

2006-12-29T21:14:00.000Z

Last night we were not sure what would happen - but we expected Sue to stay in until the antibiotics had done their stuff, and then she would have the chemo. Needless to say, the hospital had other ideas!

Instead, I am pleased to say that the medical staff have decided to give her a few days break from the chemo, while the antibiotics run their course; so she is home for the weekend (including New Years Day). Then (subject as always to bed availability) she will go back on Tuesday 2nd January 2007 for one or more nights, and hopefully all three of the chemo drugs will be restarted (subject as always to blood test results!).

It's a blessing to have her home again, but the whole process has a depressing emotional and psychological effect - not helped by the chemo-induced hair loss, which is getting worse now. Nevertheless, we trust in the Lord for daily mercy and daily strength.

Didn't expect it....

2006-12-27T21:06:00.000Z

Sometime ago, we had a letter saying that Sue's next overnight stay (for drip-fed chemo) would be on December 27th; then a little later we had an identical letter with a date of January 3rd. We therefore assumed that the later date replaced the earlier, although (true) it did not actually say so.......silly us.

Last night the hospital rang to say that they were expecting Sue today (27th), and that there was a bed free, so did she want to come down then and there? We were surprised/confused, and said so - so the nurse said that perhaps it would be better to wait until this morning, and she would try and look into it.

However, when we rang again this morning, we were told that she was still expected, and the bed was still free - so if she came down the doctors could sort out what was going on. In the past we have had to wait until 10:30 before going in, then wait in the dayroom for a while - so to go straight in, and straight to bed, was actually quite good!

Naturally there was a wait before one of the doctors came round, and before blood tests were done; but during the afternoon the first (expected) bag of saline was fixed up, so (based on previous experience) we expected chemo to follow "in due course". Unfortunately not!

The blood tests apparently revealed "an infection" (what or where not stated); so the saline was stopped, and also the 24/7 pumped chemo that was supposed to run until refill day on Friday 29th. Instead, they will treat the infection - a clue to which may lie in the fact that this evening she had to go for a chest x-ray again.

It therefore seems that this early visit is a blessing, if infection can be caught and treated earlier than we had expected to be there again; but it also seems that Sue will be in hospital for at least 2-3 days rather than just overnight!

A strange providence, but at least we had a quiet family Christmas with catering by two lovely daughters!

How is she?

2006-12-23T13:45:00.000Z

In the nature of the treatment, there will inevitably be days where nothing much is happening - but some people still want to know how Sue is doing, and how to pray.....

With thankfulness to God for His continued faithfulness, it is good to say that she is not too bad in some ways, but not too good in others. At the moment, she is comfortable in bed; but she finds it quite an effort to get out of bed and walk to the bathroom, or downstairs. She is sleeping quite well, which is a blessing; but she has had quite a bit of pain in the last few days, as a result of which we have been to one doctor, the district nurses have been twice, and another doctor has come here. The latter doctor has also upped her pain killers.

The next hospital visit is on the 29th, to have the reservoir bag changed (we will try and learn from the last visit, and try and get a pager so that they can call us in when it is ready!), and then she will go for another overnight stay on 3rd January when the intravenous drip chemo is due - bed availability permitting.

She is very tired most of the time, which is why she spends a lot of time in bed; and the weariness means that she cannot concentrate for long. As a result, reading is increasingly difficult, and cross-stitch is out of the question - while television holds little interest. Sometimes she can listen to a sermon on CD; and we are reading a portion from the gospel of John in the evenings.

And today there were the first indications of hair-loss....

We trust in a sovereign God, Who is always a loving and all-knowing Father, and Who will in this situation (as always) work all things according to the counsel of His own will. He is able to heal physically/emotionally/psychologically, of course - but these are the things of time and sense. It is for the spiritual comfort, the assurance of sins forgiven with new life in Christ and a hope of glory, evidenced by a quiet testimony to the grace and mercy of God and that "peace that passes all understanding", that we seek the prayers of our brothers and sisters in Christ.

We are in His hands - and where better place to be?

A long day....

2006-12-20T09:06:00.000Z

Sue went the hospital yesterday for the first of the weekly visits to have the pump reservoir-bag refilled.

In our lack of knowledge/innocence, we thought that it might take perhaps half an hour, or (allowing for busy clinics) perhaps an hour. Not quite.....

In fact what happens is that blood samples are taken first (after a little wait); then the samples have to be taken for testing, and the results reported to the clinic doctor; then the doctor has to prescribe the chemo dosage based on the blood-test results; then the lab have to make up the chemo prescription accordingly. This all takes time - so she got to the hospital just before 10am, and did not get away until just after 5pm. Many hours in a waiting -room chair did not do her back any good - and the car-park fees all added up!

Still, we will know for next time, as we will be going back in 10 days time for the same procedure.

We have seen notices about the loan of "pagers" so that they can contact us when the chemo is ready. However, whether the technology is sufficient to allow us to come home and wait, rather than just waiting elsewhere in the hospital, is something we will have to look into.

We live and learn!

Meanwhile, thank you to all readers who are praying for us. Physically Sue is still not too bad, in terms of side-effects; but there are emotional/psychological side-effects (tears and fears). Pray on!

Next stage

2006-12-13T21:23:00.000Z

Thanks to a cancellation, Sue went into hospital on Tuesday 12th (earlier than expected) to have the Groshong line fitted. This is the one fitted near her collar-bone, into which the 3rd chemo drug is sent, and was fitted under local anaesthetic.

The actual pump was fitted this morning; it is a box about 5"x4"x1", with a small sac of chemo stuff attached, that sits in a bag that has to be carried round or worn on a belt, and pumps away 24 hrs/7 days. We believe that a weekly visit to the hospital will be required to have the chemo sac replaced. If anybody is interested, she is on a drug combination called ECF, of which further details are at :- http://www.cancerbackup.org.uk/Treatments/Chemotherapy/Combinationregimen
In addition, details of the Groshong line are at :-
http://www.cancerbackup.org.uk/Treatments/Chemotherapy/Linesports/Centralline

She is quite sore at present, but glad to be home and back in her own bed. The side effects so far have not been too hard, for which we are grateful to the Lord. Indeed, Sue said that she was quite calm and at peace throughout her stay - so we can testify that the Lord is answering the prayers of His people.

Praise!

2006-12-08T21:53:00.000Z

After about 24 hours of saline solution drips, the chemo eventually started last night, to be followed by more saline drips until this morning. Then a scan (to follow a chest xray earlier in the week), and after a delay (awaiting the results) she was allowed home late afternoon - weary, slightly sick, and gritty-eyed (known side-effects), but glad to be home.

We thank the Lord for His faithfulness so far, and for that "peace that passes all understanding", as we contemplate a future which is unknown to us but planned by Him who loves us and who works all things after the consel of His own will.

Progress

2006-12-07T21:34:00.000Z

Pleased to record that - after multiple bags of saline solution to get her sufficiently hydrated - Sue actually had the first doses of chemo today. More bags of saline will follow tonight, and then DV she will be allowed home tomorrow, to rest until the next session in three weeks time (bed permitting!)

Patience!

2006-12-06T08:14:00.000Z

Sue's chemo will be a three-drug attack, and she was booked to have a permanent pump fitted for the one chemo drug on Monday(4th). However, when we visited the hospital last week for blood tests (to assess kidney function), the staff forgot to check the condition of the veins in her arms. These are ok (just) for blood tests, but not for anything bigger - so the nurses on Monday had to send us home as they could not fit the line they were intending to feed the chemo through into her arm.

The alternative is to have a line inserted into the chest-wall, near her collar-bone; but they have no spaces to carry out that surgical procedure until December 15th.

The other two drugs will be drip-fed over a period of several hours for one day every three weeks. The first session was supposed to be yesterday, but when we telephoned to check they had no spare beds on the ward. Thankfully, they have a bed this morning, so she will be going in later today - and then stay for at least one night while they monitor reactions and side-effects.

God's ways are not our ways

2006-12-02T21:52:00.000Z

In a strange providence from our loving Heavenly Father, we found out last month that my wife has cancer. She starts her chemotherapy on Monday.

Many verses from the Bible have been brought to us, and many precious promises - and precious too is the love and support of His people.

It has been said that "Faith is always - and can only ever be - tried in the dark". It has also been said that "If you would see the rainbow of God's covenant love, there must be a storm".

We therefore praise Him for all that is past, and trust Him for all that's to come.